i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
