you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
