feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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