I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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