Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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