Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Congratulations! We have a period
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