You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
