YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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