so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
