I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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