What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
