You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
