one word: firstdatebathroomanal
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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