i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
