Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
