Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
