Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
