I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
