I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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