no, he came in my armpit
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
