Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
