another moral hangover. fuck.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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