id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I look better un-naked...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
