There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
