Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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