when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
