you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
