dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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