Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
