You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
