he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
