someone owes me an orgasm
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
