Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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