i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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