So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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