I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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