So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
