Soap is not a condiment
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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