i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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