Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
