I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
