how can u be prego again
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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