Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
