i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Found your dick twin last night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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