Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
