I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
ok first of all what the fuck
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
