proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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