Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
