I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
