I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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