Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
