You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
