I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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