get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
