I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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