proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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