He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
