Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
