I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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