walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
