first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You made out with two different species that night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
