The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
