I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
