i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
