Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
