I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
