i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
