I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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