thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
