Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
