the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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