erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
