that's an acceptable place to lick
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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