went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
