just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
