Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
