If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
